My Eggs and Toast
by GreyAshGazer88
Summary: Vegeta actually asks for advice on how to make Bulma forgive him. Can he write a poem and do all the romantic things suggested to him? Really Random Humor. R&R please.
1. Casual Arguement of a Sort

Wow don't you love it when ideas just spring to your mind?? I thought about doing the same idea for this fic for a different anime buuut this one works a little better.   
  
diclaimer: don't own it..*sigh*  
  
My Eggs and Toast  
  
Ch.1  
  
"I SWEAR, YOU ARE SUCH A CHILD!! YOU CONSTANTLY COMPLAIN ABOUT CRAP LIKE TRAINING, GOKU, AND YOU ARE ALWAYS COMPLAINING THAT I DO NOTHING RIGHT!! WELL I'M SICK AND TIRED OF IT VEGETA! IF YOU'RE JUST SOOO MUCH BETTER THAN ME, WHY DON'T YOU JUST LEAVE?!!"  
  
Bulma's screeching culd be heard for miles around. She and Vegeta were at it again.  
  
"Woman, will you CEASE YOUR YELLING?!!?!I CAN HEAR YOU LOUD AND CLEAR AND FOR YOUR INFORMATION, I DO NOT COMPLAIN! I AM A PRINCE-"  
  
"JUST SHUT UP VEGETA! WHY DON'T YOU TAKE YOUR ROYAL LITTLE BUTT AND GET OFF THIS CRAPPY PLANET AND GO WHERE YOUR ACTUALLY NEEDED?!!"  
  
Vegeta grinded his teeth together, trying so hard not to do or say anything he'd regret.  
  
Trunks wandered down to the kitchen, casually passing by his parents with nothing but his boxers on.   
  
A maid set his breakfast at the table for him and gave him a small "Good morning" and went on her way.  
  
Trunks, looking like the Morning Zombie, silently feasted in his own little world of breakfast goodies.  
  
"Woman, you're being ridiculous!"  
  
"And is it SO HARD for you to call me by my name?! I am NOT a thing for you to just..just boss around!" Bulma was trying to calm herself in the presence of her son. She turned and crossed her arms, not wanting to look at the stubborn Prince that caused her rage.  
  
"I have had it with you, Vegeta! If I'm just SOOO horrible, why don't you just go?! Huh?!?!!" She turned back around with tears in her eyes.  
  
"LEAVE! YOU DON'T WANT ME SO JUST LEAVE!!"  
  
And with that she ran out, grabbing her purse, heading for either Chichi's home or the mall. Either way, she needed comfort.  
  
Vegeta stood, eye twitching, vains pulsing.  
  
Trunks finished his food and walked by his father, stifling a laugh.  
  
"She told you."  
  
"GO AWAY, BRAT!!" Vegeta roared, almost sounding like a small child.  
  
Trunks headed down the hall, not paying attention to the Saiyan Prince.  
  
***  
  
Vegeta came out of the gravity room in which he'd spent the whole day in after his quarrel with Bulma. He guessed it to be around 3 A.M.  
  
He yawned silently and headed towards the room he shared with Bulma..and found his clothes strung about in the hallway.  
  
He made a noise of surprise and those vains of anger poked out again.   
  
"WOMAN!!!" his thunderous cry was enough to wake the laziest fatman on the face of the planet.   
  
He began picking up his things and almost in a panic, he pathetically banged on the door.  
  
"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?!!" And just before blowing the door down, he noticed a post-it note on the door.  
  
It read:  
  
"I meant what I said! You're obviously too good for us, for me, So you should just leave. You've hurt me enough and I'm tired of it! Don't bother me when you find this. It'll probably be 3 A.M. before you get this (Dang, she's good) So..I love you.  
  
Bulma"  
  
He blinked stupidly at the note and, as if in a trance, wandered down the halls of Capsule corp, not even bothering to get the rest of his things. He went out into the night, and just flew with no particular destination. He had completely blown it this time. Good job.  
  
Where is he going? What will he do? Will he really leave like Bulma asked? IS THIS THE END?!!  
  
Stayed tuned to find out!  
  
(enter cheesy ending theme music)  
  
Please Review. I always appreciate it. =) 


	2. Advice?

This is going to be a short story,only a few chapters, but oh well. It will be slow in updating because I'm finding myself to be rather busy. Sorry I havent goten my other stuf updated too soon, but I am working on it! Hang in there for the sake of written art! *strike a pose*  
  
anyway, enjoy. Please Review.  
  
disclaimer: i dont own DBZ..*weeps the Weep*  
  
"I'm a man now and I do man things!"-Brak  
  
=)  
  
My Eggs and Toast  
  
Ch.2  
  
Advice?  
  
Goten opened his front door and welcomed the awesome sunshine of the morning. He stretched and began walking, only to trip over a large blob-of-a-sort on his lawn.   
  
He whined about his scrapped knee for a moment then stared at the blob. He grabbed a twig and poked it. It grunted and seemed to say something about grilled cheese and penguins. Goten used the stick to remove its face from the dew-covered ground and gasped a dramatic gasp   
  
"GASP!" he dramatically gasped.  
  
Vegeta's hair seemed to stand up even more than it naturally did and he made a hissing noise like a defensive cat. (And you thought Saiyans were like monkeys!)  
  
Goten grinned the Grin of Goku and waved.  
  
"Hey, Vegeta! Why are you on my lawn?"  
  
Vegeta calmed and blinked the sleep out of his eyes. He suddenly grabbed the collar of the teenager's shirt and brought his face about an inch from his own.  
  
"I need to speak to Kakarot! Where is your father?!!"  
  
"Uh..why? He probably won't see you unless he knows why." Goten asked rather sly-ish. He grinned the Grin of Trunks which made Vegeta's eye twitch.(His eye does alot of that doesn't it?)  
  
"That is none of YOUR business, boy! Answer my question!"  
  
Goten nodded, mentally plotting.  
  
He grinned, "He's having relations with my mother. Shall I take you to him?"  
  
Vegeta gagged and his eye twitched again.  
  
"NO."  
  
"You sure? It seemed kind of urgent..Can I help you with anything?"  
  
Vegeta make a face at Goten and released his shirt, marching over to Gohan's home.  
  
He slammed the door open.  
  
"BOY! COME HERE!!" He roared, nearly breaking the windows.  
  
Gohan stood, ears throbbing, right in front of Vegeta already.  
  
"Please..come in.."he muttered, wishing the ringing in his eardrums would cease.  
  
"May I help you, Vegeta?"   
  
Vegeta crossed his arms.  
  
"Your father is having relations and I need assistance." he blurted out. Gohan held back his laughter.  
  
Vegeta looked at him for a moment and growled.  
  
"NOT LIKE THAT you MORON! What I MEANT was I required..advice in the ...area..known as my..marriage." he mumbled, struggling with the words "advice", "area", and "marriage".  
  
Gohan blinked.  
  
"Oh Bulma's mad again?"  
  
Vegeta twitched at Gohan's casual attitude.  
  
"Well..it must have been bad for you to come here. Do you seriously want my advice?"  
  
Vegeta gave a small nod.  
  
"Well, with Videl I usually write her little "I'm Sorry" notes or leave things lying around that she likes. Things like candies, romantic cards and things of that nature. Poems are good too."  
  
Vegeta turned and wrote "Candy..Poems" on a piece of paper. and looked back at Gohan with his usual cold stare.  
  
"Good job, boy. You aren't completely useless." he said, walking out the door, trying to ignore the chuckles of Goten.  
  
He took off and decided to see what others had to say.  
  
***  
  
Landing on the small island, he felt like, to be perfectly blunt, a pathetic loser.   
  
The Prince of Saiyans should NOT be asking Earthlings for advice! But truly..who else was there? And who else knew what to do besides the people who grew up with Bulma? He sighed and drug his sorry butt to the door.  
  
The door opened before he could break it down and there stood 18.  
  
"What do you want?" she said in her most irritated tone.  
  
"I need to speak to Krillin." he responded, trying to sound not so..well, as it was put earlier, pathetic.  
  
She raised a brow and let him in, walking past Krillin in the kitchen.  
  
Vegeta went into the kitchen and before Krillin could manage a greeting, Vegeta swung a chair close beside Krillin and leaned in close.  
  
"I need advice."  
  
Krillin, nearly choking on his sandwich, squeaked a noise of surprise.  
  
"Uh,advice? From who, me?"  
  
Vegeta growled.  
  
"Yes, you, Moron! I need help with my woman!"  
  
Krillin stared at him and chuckled.  
  
"You and Bulma fighting again? Go figure. What do you want my advice for?"  
  
"How..ergh..She..she won't let me come home and I want to make it up to her!!" he blurted, sounding, again, pathetic and rather desperate.  
  
(My words for the day, pathetic and irritated. Why? because I can.)  
  
Krillin chuckled again and got serious, for he feared for his life.  
  
"Well, let's see..for Bulma...usually some sweet talk and roses, I would guess. Yamcha would probably know more-"  
  
"I'm asking YOU idiot, not that pompous moron."Vegeta interjected.  
  
Krillin nodded sheepishly and continued.  
  
"Well maybe..chocolates and..some romantic dinner. Maybe a kind poem on the side. Chics dig that stuff! Umm..that is, if you can actually write a poem, Vegeta."  
  
"SHUT UP! I AM VERY CAPABLE OF POETRY, YOU LITTLE WELP!"  
  
Marron walked in and flicked Vegeta's ear.  
  
"Do you MIND?! I'm TRYING to talk on the PHONE!!"  
  
Wiping the blank look off his face, Vegeta stood and went out the door. He quickly wrote down "dinner..chocolate..poem" on his paper. It was nearly the same thing Gohan had told him. Maybe..maybe Yamcha could help him. He did date the wench all through their sorry little teenage years and even longer.  
  
If anyone knew anything about making things up to Bulma, it had to be Yamcha.  
  
***  
  
Yamcha licked his lips and dug into his large cheeseburger. It was always nice to just go out and have a nice fastfood meal.  
  
All of a sudden ( and rather rudely, i might add) his precious burger was taken from him and ended up in the mouth of a spikey-haired Prince.  
  
Vegeta gave a humble smirk as Yamcha rambled on about paying for it.  
  
After about a minute, Vegeta slammed his hand down on the table in the restaurant, just enough to shake Yamcha back to the reality that there was someone who could, and probably would, kill him sitting right in front of his face.  
  
Yamcha glared, trying not to be intimidated.(though it was slowly failing)  
  
"What do you want Vegeta..? And..WHAT THE HECK IS YOUR PROBLEM?!" he quickly toned down as Vegeta glared death upon him.  
  
"How did you make the woman..happy when she got pissed off?"  
  
Yamcha blinked and put a hand over his mouth to keep from laughing.  
  
"Ve..vegeta did you just ask me for..for.."  
  
"YES I'm asking for advice!!Now ANSWER OR I'LL RIP YOUR ARMS OFF AND MAKE YOURSELF A NEW HAT!!"  
  
Yamcha cleared his throat and spoke shakily.  
  
"Well..Let's see."  
  
"SPEAK UP."  
  
"AGH! geez..Well, when Bulma gets a little mad, usually a romantic dinner soothes her. But apparently she's really mad this time, for you to come to me, and that means.. a romantic song or poem about how you feel about her and if she lets you in, seal the deal with a hott night of passion!!"  
  
Vegeta held Yamcha by his collar, ready to keep his promise. He twitched his eye and let him go, realizing the perverted little moron was probably right. He walked out of the restaurant, leaving Yamcha to pay for an uneaten sandwich.  
  
So, on the list we have:  
  
Candy  
  
Poem  
  
Dinner  
  
Chocolate  
  
Poem  
  
Song  
  
Poem  
  
Kinky sex(enter vegeta's uncertain question marks)  
  
Now, onto his next mission!!  
  
-------  
  
yay! Now what will happen? will Vegeta do all the things on his list?? WILL THERE BE A KINKY PASSIONATE SEX CHAPTER?!?!! um, no there wont. But that doesnt mean it wont happen between scenes! lol 


	3. Fat Rainbow Ladies, Pyro Children, and C...

disclaimer- DBZ? not mine. so sad.  
  
My Eggs and Toast  
  
Ch.3  
  
Fat Rainbow Ladies, Pyro Children, and Crappy Poetry  
  
(and OH so much more madness!!)  
  
Vegeta stared at a flower shop, wondering who the poor loser was that ran the place. He cautiously walked in and quickly scanned the area for chocolates. A scary plump woman wearing a rainbow sweater appeared before him and gave a big freakin' grin that would've scared any toddler into urination on the spot.  
  
He twitched slightly at the woman, and thought about killing her, but decided against...until...  
  
"HOW MAY I HELP YOU, SIR?? WE HAVE ALL YOUR FLOWERING NEEDS!!!!"  
  
Vegeta's hair fluffed out as he covered his ears and made a high-pitched squeal..noise..thing..yea.  
  
"IS SOMETHING THE MATTER SIR? MAY I HELP YOU FIND SOMETHING??"  
  
He glared at the woman with weird cat-ish eyes...  
  
"SHUT UP AND GIVE ME CHOCOLATES!!!!"  
  
She blinked at him and bounced over to the area with choclates.  
  
"WHAT KIND,SIR??"  
  
He shuddered and continued glaring.  
  
"Any kind. It doesn't matter.."  
  
She picked up some, rolled her freakishly large butt over to the register and ringed them up.  
  
"That'll be-" before she could finished he slammed a 20 dollar bill on the counter and took his chocolate and ran.  
  
He looked at his list again.  
  
Now all that was left was dinner,poem,and a song.  
  
He wasn't sure about candy, so he cleared out the candy store.(much to the dismay of all the children)  
  
He sighed and sat all his candies and choclates down on a bench and sat beside them..sorta.  
  
He closed his eyes for a moment just as some kids decided they like to steal things.  
  
The angry mob of children sweeped away the candy and happily took it to the park where they all partied.   
  
Vegeta opened his eyes and his hair did the floofy thing again. He picked up his choclate, which, for some weird reason, hadn't been touched. He dashed to the park and stood on a tall swing set.  
  
"I DEMAND the candy back!!!"   
  
Every child there turned and looked at him with evil eyes and hissed. They flung themselves onto him and made a move for his chocolate.  
  
"GAH!! NOO!! You SAVAGES!!!"   
  
His bloody screams were not heard throughout the city. And if they were, no one would give a flying pig's urinal tract infection anyways.  
  
---  
  
2 hours later  
  
---  
  
His candy was eaten, his chocolate turned against him, and worst of all, he was wet and broke.  
  
The rain poured down onto the saiyan prince as he sat on a swing, holding the only chocolate left.  
  
He did have his dignity..until one little girl came back and set his butt on fire. Now, there was a large hole in the butt of his pants.  
  
He hated children.   
  
Vegeta pulled out his list of things from his pocket.   
  
Probably the only thing he could do now was the sex and the poem.  
  
He had to no money to even consider making a dinner.  
  
He..didn't really mind the sex thing..but he didn't think it'd work unless he had everything else. He stared blankly at his only option.  
  
A poem.  
  
How in the world was he, the Prince of all saiyans, supposed to write a poem?!  
  
He decided to find out what EXACTLY was in a poem.  
  
Slowly but surely, he dragged his half-naked bum off the swing and took flight.  
  
Let's see..where do these humans go for information?  
  
Of Course!! The Library! ((He CAN be taught!))  
  
----  
  
Entering the library, despite his dreadful appearance, he managed to find the nerve to ask where he could find poems..  
  
"..Poo...ehmz...I need to find some pooehmz."  
  
((COULDNT HELP MYSELF LOL!!))  
  
The librarian smiled stupidly.  
  
"Poems. Right over there,under the big sign."  
  
And wouldn't you know it? There was a giant sign that read "POEMS" on it.  
  
Vegeta's brow twitched. ((sometimes I swear his eyebrow has a mind of its own!!!O.o...))  
  
"I..I KNEW THAT!!..I could see it VERY CLEARLY I was just...testing your eyesight, moron!!" He raged, stomping off to his poem section. The librarian just giggled at the sound of his shoes squeaking and sloshing from being so flooded with water.  
  
He scanned the books in the shelves. Where to start? There were so many!  
  
He randomly picked up one called "Ped-Xing's Daily Scrolls"  
  
((Yes, i stole it from Dave the Barbarian. I'm 15 and i love that show its the best thing to ever be on a disney network!!well..besides the weekenders..that show rocksXD i couldnt remember what the book was actually called so..im using the name of the dude and something else..erm..yeah... ANYWHO!!))  
  
He raised a brow.((that darn eyebrow..))  
  
He opened it and began to read aloud:  
  
"Oh darling my sweet, please dont hate me If i say your feet smell like stinky cheese."  
  
EVERYONE in the building screamed in horrid pain.  
  
The librarian took the book from him and yelled in anguish.  
  
"HOW DID THIS ABOMINATION GET INTO THE POETRY SECTION???!!!!"  
  
"I thought it was pretty good..And I don't even know what poetry is!" Vegeta said,crossing his arms in a very manly way.  
  
"THIS," she said, pointing to the book,"is NOT poetry."  
  
"Ok then, if THAT isn't poetry, what IS poetry?"  
  
((could you imagine everyone breaking out into random dance and song??....it's kinda sad because that's the first thing I thought of...*shoot me*))  
  
The Librarian smiled kindly again as she burned the book in a trash can.   
  
"Poetry is a calming array of words coming together to express your true feelings. Many times poetry is a type of metaphor or simile. Many poets use modern day situations and objects of a sort to express their love for their significant other." She sighed dreamily. It was obvious that she was infatuated with some boy or something just from the way she kinda shot hearts out from around her. Vegeta would never understand women...oh well, what can you do?  
  
He nodded, tucking away this information for later use and flew out.  
  
Of course he got yelled at for making papers fly everywhere and books attack random faces of people..but hey, what can ya do? ((i really need to stop saying that))  
  
So...he had all his information. Now to make the poem and win his house back!! err..wife. His wife back. Yes..wife..ahem.  
  
------------  
  
~~~~  
  
sorry i didnt update sooner kids! it took me weeks to do this one chapter!!  
  
school and things have been hectic like woah!!  
  
I LOVE ALL OF YOU COMPLETE STRANGERS YOU'RE SO AWESOME BECAUSE YOU DON'T COMPLAIN NEARLY AS MUCH AS I DO I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH  
  
w00t.  
  
well, review and maybe i can find more time to work on other things. I'm almost done writing the next chpater for Free Falling, so be patient my pretties!! 


	4. Genius Beneath the Hair

well things have been so busy it has been a while since i have updated anything at all.  
But BEHOLD! i am updating this and just updated Free Falling!

I'm a busy person so please be patient with me! )

disclaimer: I don't own DBZ...mumble mumble

My Eggs and Toast

Ch.4

Genius Beneath the Hair..What?!

He sat down at the desk, staring at the paper and pen sitting there.

He enjoyed the silence of his hotel room.(the one he got by threatening the manager that he would send him out into the disturbing mob of pyro kids after dipping him in caramel and sprinkling chocolate chips on him.)

Ok..a poem expresses someone's true feelings. It's supposed to rhyme.

Vegeta picked up the pen and prepared himself to write.

Feelings...rhyme....

...feelings...rhyme...

...feelings..

"RRRAAAAHH!!!!" Vegeta slid the paper aside and slammed his head on the desk, which surprisingly didn't break into pieces when hit by the saiyan's block head.

How in the world was he supposed to express something so pathetic as feelings onto a piece of paper and make it RHYME?!?!  
The clock said 6:37.

..Feelings..

7:04

.....good things...good feelings..

7:29

...rhyme.....

7:55

....good..rhyme..

8:12

.....FOOD.

He would do anything for some of that woman's food right about now.

Her dinners always hit the spot! And breakfast and lunch were just the same.

Oooh breakfast..those eggs..that precious toast!

He felt utterly pathetic. Eggs and toast were his whole morning. They made his day! No...the woman made his day. WHAT?! This is ridiculous? Why in the world...was his pride failing him yet again?? A Saiyan Prince should not feel things like this! He..he shouldn't feel at all!

Wait..feelings..rhyme..toast..boast..RHYME!

He grabbed the paper and began scribbling down some things.

He remembered watching his son do this before he wrote a paper for his stupid school classes. Make a bubble, put ideas in it, make a line, and connect a bubble to that line. Put more ideas and build until you have a basic outline. Who knew the Grand Prince of Saiyans would ever use such a skill?? Though he would never admit it...he found it quite useful and worth his time!

His gave a cocky grin. After this masterpiece, the woman would HAVE to let him back in the house again! Wait..why was he taking orders from- oh that's right...she has those..**female powers** of hers. They made him shudder.

The chair tipped back onto the floor as he rose, waving the paper in the air in triumph.

"HAHAHAAA! I BET THIS IS BETTER THAN ANYTHING KAKAROT COULD **_EVER_** CREATE WITH THAT TINY LITTLE CLOWN MIND OF HIS!! MWAHAHAHAHAAA!!"

(O.o...)

-Knock knock-

"Um, room service! Are you alright sir??!"

He shot a blast through the door.

"DO NOT interrupt my victory cry!!!"

The small, feeble young lady stood, horrified, with the broom she was holding completely disintegrated. (sp? ehh just sound it out.)

She broke down crying and ran away, screaming something about a midget sorceror and how his crazy hair gives him power.

Vegeta grinned. Yes..his hair did contribute to his genius. He gently stroked it upward and sighed in a pleasing manner, then decided to leave before that annoying screeching wretch came back and he did something that, if Bulma found out, would assure him that he would never get back with her...or even breathe anymore, for that matter.

He took to the skies, leaving a beautiful hole in the ceiling of the hotel room, and looked over his little piece of paper. Genius..absolute genius!

Just give her this and something good to eat and he was promised his dwelling place back and even perhaps some sex on the side! He was brilliant!

--

well..not as long a chapter as i wanted it to be but thats ok. i predit maybe 2 more chapters of this fic before its done. In the next chapter we will see the results of Vegeta's brainstorming!

Will his "genius" get Bulma forgiveness? Wait and see!! )

R&R please!! because..I love you, man. I really do.

--Lindz


End file.
